I am so fed up with arguing with my significant. It seems like the only thing we ever talk about anymore is $$$. I have been laid off for quite a while. So, because there are a lot of programs in Oregon with help for college, I have enrolled. It seems that I will be able to attend full time and have enough financial aid, grants, and scholarshipsto pay for everything. I may have to get a part-time job later on, but so be it. I am changing my life, I want to get to the point where I don't feel disappointed in myself anymore.

Well money is very tight. We have just enough to pay bills, food, shelter etc, just the basics. He bitches about how hard he works, and he never has a dime for anything he wants. I think he needs to grow up and accept the fact that most people are in the same boat as us, if not worse off, count his blessings. I am so fed up hearing about how he never gets to have fun anymore.

I feel like he wants me to abandon my plans for school, and go get another shitty, going nowhere job. And I'm not going to do that.

Does the financial bickering ever end?

Wood:

If you have the opportunity to better yourself. TAKE IT! Try to convince your sig other that what you invest in yourself NOW, Will pay back 10 fold later. Especially as you get older.

I would try to be understanding of him. Some things that do make life more fun, pleasant, and easy cost money. For him to do without can be frustrating, especially if the investments he wants to make are things that would seriously improve his quality of life. Maybe you can ask him to make a list of things that are important for him to get with money and prioritize, then see if you can come up with a way to get at least a few things near the top of the list. Also check for alternatives. He might think this-or-that is very important and irreplaceable, but the moment you see it, you can instantly think of much cheaper (or free) things that would make him just as happy.

Maybe you're a bit hard on him. It really can feel bad to work very hard, only to find you'd have to work just as hard for another 10 months before you can afford something that would really make your life better. And it doesn't matter if 99% of the world is poorer than him, or 99% of the world is richer than him--how he feels is how he feels, what he wants is what he wants, his frustrations are his frustrations. It does no good to compare him to other people. One could just as easily compare you to other people and say "Many people would be in the same boat as you if you quit school. Many people work minimum wage dead-end jobs and never have a decent education." It doesn't say anything about you or what you should do!

Don't be a doormat though. You don't owe it to him to try to help him increase his material possessions. If you do this, you'd be doing it as a friend and partner, not out of obligation as a slave. If you're being a bit hard on him, he sounds like he's being a billion times harder on you. Anyone who wants their beloved life partner to give up hir important dreams so they can be a little more financially comfortable right now is being incredibly, badly selfish. And "fun" is not something that money can buy; you can buy tools with money to help you have fun, but you can't buy fun itself. If he wants to have fun, money probably isn't stopping him; many ways to have fun don't have huge price tags.

One good thing and one bad thing about real-time communication is that you get instant feedback. If you try to explain something to him, and he disagrees halfway through your second sentence, he can interrupt you and sidetrack the conversation. May I suggest writing a letter, saying in a sincere, honest, non-confrontational way exactly how important school is to you and that you count on it to be a major tool in bettering your life, and you feel as though he's pressuring you to stop pursuing your dreams (and ask if that's really how he feels)? Assuming you haven't already, I mean. If he refuses to understand, well...if someone didn't want to understand how important something is to me, even if I was willing to understand how important certain things are to them, and he repeatedly trivialized or complained about what I need and value, I would take it as him saying: "I don't want to understand your dreams, and I don't want to understand you as a person." If he thinks you are unworthy of understanding and respect... Do you see what I mean? That would indicate that something is fundamentally wrong with the relationship.

One angle to consider is that perhaps completely unrelated things are increasing his negative feelings. Maybe he's being emotionally abused at work, or he feels like all his work isn't accomplishing anything (or that his work is completely unappreciated, both by his workplace and by his family), or he's jealous and he thinks his own life is going nowhere, or he's having fights with his friends, or he's developing a mood disorder. It doesn't excuse taking it out on you of course, but if he has other problems that need addressing, and you can spare the time, energy, and compassion, you might want to gently ask about it and help him out.

My partner and I have had arguments over money before, but they didn't go on forever. We took turns expressing how we felt, we realized that both our feelings were equally valid and important, we understood the other's behavior more, and we worked together to make things better. It wasn't "Me vs. Partner," it was "Us vs. Money Problems." Just understanding someone and being understood can make life so much better, and it's a great start.

Anyone who wants to better themselves should do it.

I would tell him to stop whining.

I would tell my DH to shape up and be thankful for what he has.

Oh poor guy wants more. We are in a recession.

Lettuce I think you need a tomato. Just joking.

I don't get the joke! We garden, though, and have waaaay too many tomatoes this year.

Yup Way over the top. LOL